[During those awful months, he had been alone with what happened to him. To this day, he has felt like somewhere inside him is that boy, and he is the only one who can acknowledge the depth of his hurt. If he moves ahead and truly heals, will that mean what he went through meant nothing?

He hopes so.]

I keep thinking about that kid I was then. I think of him as a part of me, and he's hurting. Like if I won't defend him, no one will. But that's...not reality. That kid is gone, just like the kid he was before Lutair, or the kid he was before the Circle. I'm not protecting anyone, least of all myself. I'm not bearing a banner for any helpless apprentice. I'm not helpless anymore.

[He looks up to the stars again. They're beautiful. The view from the balcony is beautiful. In the distance is the sea; beyond it, a wider world full of its own beauty. His head hurts, he's exhausted, but he feels lighter.]

If he's alive, he's going to come here to kill me. And he can try.