[He knows that, sort of. He knows he didn't deserve to be raped repeatedly and told he was going to die. He didn't deserve to have his ribs broken at Ghislain, either, but it's simply what happens when you're in an environment like that. Different choices might have led to a different outcome.
The rhythm of her breathing helps, and he echoes it. The painful knot in his throat eases, as does the weight in his lungs. Tears runs down his face, but they'll just be followed by more, so he doesn't wipe them away. When he can finally continue, he rests his head against hers, wrapping himself in the scent of her hair. She's real. They're both safe. It's 9:46.]
One time, he took me to a room in the mage quarters. They're more private, and this one was empty. Usually anything we did was quick, but this time, he pushed me down on the bed on my stomach. He held my head down and I could hardly breathe because of the bedding. He pushed my robes all the way up to my shoulders and...and he just... It's the most pain I've ever been in. He'd done it before, I don't remember how many times, but it wasn't his usual. And he took his time, like this was some sweet romantic moment. He kept breathing in my ear. Then the door opened.
It was another Templar. A man named...it doesn't matter. He started lecturing Lutair about how they were late to something. Picked up his trousers and threw them at him and said, "You can play with your toys later. We have to go."
And they left me there.
[His face burns from shame as it had on that day, though not as hotly.]
tw: sexual and mental abuse
The rhythm of her breathing helps, and he echoes it. The painful knot in his throat eases, as does the weight in his lungs. Tears runs down his face, but they'll just be followed by more, so he doesn't wipe them away. When he can finally continue, he rests his head against hers, wrapping himself in the scent of her hair. She's real. They're both safe. It's 9:46.]
One time, he took me to a room in the mage quarters. They're more private, and this one was empty. Usually anything we did was quick, but this time, he pushed me down on the bed on my stomach. He held my head down and I could hardly breathe because of the bedding. He pushed my robes all the way up to my shoulders and...and he just... It's the most pain I've ever been in. He'd done it before, I don't remember how many times, but it wasn't his usual. And he took his time, like this was some sweet romantic moment. He kept breathing in my ear. Then the door opened.
It was another Templar. A man named...it doesn't matter. He started lecturing Lutair about how they were late to something. Picked up his trousers and threw them at him and said, "You can play with your toys later. We have to go."
And they left me there.
[His face burns from shame as it had on that day, though not as hotly.]